Promos By Hyphen: Fastlane To Nowhere

If only Seth Rollins/Samoa Joe could have happened…


I’ve watched enough WWE PPVs to know better. I have.


I read enough news and rumors to know better. I have.


Does anyone else really think Goldberg/Lesnar III needed the Universal Championship? Was it really necessary to bury Kevin Owens after he stepped up when Finn got hurt for a 50 year old man who can’t wrestle longer than 5 minutes? Sure, we get KO/Jericho but now we get to watch Brock Lesnar get the Universal Belt handed back to him at WrestleMania.

I normally try to be positive about WWE but I’m a little frustrated here.

Goldberg will probably get a rematch at the next Raw PPV and he’ll lose. Then hopefully he’ll go away quietly into the 2018 Hall Of Fame. Brock will more than likely carry the Belt until SummerSlam putting a bunch of A-list Raw Superstars (Balor, KO, Joe, Braun) on hold until Roman is pegged to beat the Beast Incarnate this summer. I’m spit balling but this just feels like where we’re going.

And I’ve come to love Roman, I really have (I have a From Ashes to Empire shirt for crying out loud). And to be really honest, I fell asleep during a lot of the PPV (mostly because I should have taken a nap yesterday). What I did see of Braun/Roman was great. I find it interesting that they let Roman be the one to beat Strowman on a throwaway PPV but I guess it’s better that Roman be the one to beat him instead of Sami, who I thought would somehow win at Roadblock.

And the Raw women’s Division is a mess. Sasha beating Nia I can live with, especially when she had to cheat to win. Bayley retaining and ending Charlotte’s PPV win streak that was actually starting to mean something? Idiotic. Clearly Sasha interfered; Charlotte should win by DQ. And for all of that not to end with Sasha turning heel on the Hugster is even more idiotic. I’m not watching Raw to see Sasha turn heel after she was laughing and joking with Bayley on Raw Talk last night. And why is super pure face Bayley from NXT being booked as a ‘tweener Champion on Raw? And why is Dana Brooke being so grossly misused?

The Club v Enzo & Cass can’t get 9 minutes but Rusev/Show & Mahal/Cesaro each get 9 minutes?

The only things they got right was Joe/Sami and Neville/Gallagher. I didn’t see the preshow but I can tell you I’m high on Gallagher and Akira Tozawa. And obviously, heel Neville is the best main roster work he’s done.

So where do we go from here? Does Raw possibly make up for all of Fastlane’s mistakes last night? Does The Undertaker make his presence known again? Does Sasha turn heel a day late or do we get more of the Sasha/Bayley version of Jeri-KO? Who does Braun take his anger out on? How long will Goldberg get to stand in the ring and be told he still has it when he hasn’t had a true wrestling match? How epic will Paul Heyman’s promo be tonight (I didn’t see what was said on Raw Talk, he might have said enough there)? Will Brock finally stand tall over Goldberg or will Creative continue to protect the new Champ due to age and ring rust? How exciting will it be to watch Seth rehab a knee that he shouldn’t be rushing back, especially not for Triple H? Anyone ready for the Rusev/Mahal tag team to explode tonight for another 10+ minutes? When exactly will Mick Foley be fired? Can something cool please be done with Samoa Joe?

On the other hand, I am ready to see KO’s reaction to losing his Belt and Jericho’s aftermath promo that surely has to come tonight. You don’t think they have enough guts to have the KO/Goldberg rematch tonight do you? So many questions; so little answers. I would swerve the title back to KO by having Jericho forgive KO after the rematch with Goldberg is announced; have Jericho help KO win the Belt back from Goldberg, then have Jericho attack KO when he goes to celebrate. Then have Brock come out and destroy everyone.

I just feel like something big has to happen tonight. Taker or Brock showing up isn’t enough. Finn returning would be big but can a repeat of his feud with Samoa Joe really be as good on the main roster as it was in NXT? And does his Championship reign get swept under the rug because of the Goldberg/Brock storyline? Of course it does, what am I thinking? It might warrant a small mention.

Enzo & Cass’s popularity is waning with the crowds. While they still get a great pop when their music hits, the feud with Rusev stagnated them. Their match with The Club was an afterthought at best. While the heels finally hold the Tag Titles, Sheamus & Cesaro here passed up for the Realest Guys… who really only consist of one true threat in Big Cass. And what of the longest reigning Tag Team Champs the New Day you ask? Oh! They’re hosting WrestleMania! Not wrestling. Hosting. And their last feud was with Titus O’Neil. I think. I’m still a little miffed they dropped the Belts when I was at Roadblock.

I thought about tweeting the hashtag of #BoycottRaw following last night’s PPV but there was no point. The IWC was as angry as I was with Fastlane. SmackDown has been the superior of the two shows for a few months now; last night was just more proof of that. But not even SmackDown being involved with a Raw-favoring WrestleMania can save this year’s Show of Shows. There are still 26 full days until Mania though; if Creative can save WrestleMania XXX from certain doom, surely they can save XXXIII… right?

Quick Thoughts

  • Can Rich Swann stop being a thing? He was pretty much a placeholder Champion until Neville turned heel when Perkins and Kendrick failed to launch the Cruiserweight Division properly as Champs.
  • Can we please have more than 4 active wrestlers in the Women’s Division?
  • I like how we’re all ignoring that KO and Joe are the newest members of The Authority. Just because they don’t say it doesn’t mean it’s not The Authority!
  • The Cruiserweights are finally gaining their footing. Aries will just drive up the Division’s value even more.
  • Neville might be the best wrestler Raw has right now.

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