Promos By Hyphen: Welcome To Your New WWE Champion

EDIT: A picture is worth a thousand words. I’ll get into it on Hyphen Nation 91.

Originally posted October 4, 2013 as PROMOS BY HYPHEN: WELCOME TO THE KOFI BOX.

I first mentioned the Kofi Box (Definition: The Kofi Kingston box is when WWE has a popular wrestler, whether he be face or heel, and they never push him into the main event picture, but they love giving him minor Titles) in my article leading up to the Payback PPV and with Battleground upon us (I swear, these names are getting worse), I wanted to rehash that idea a bit. But first…

I really believe WWE Creative read my last piece tearing into their Bryan/Orton feud. While it’s far from perfect, a lot of the things I mentioned, including Randy taking the lead as heel and Bryan not saying the same thing every week have been drastically changed. What I really love though is how Stephanie has taken the lead over Hunter as the dominant Authority (is that what they’re calling this? The Authority?) heel. It’s a nice throwback to the Attitude Era.

With that said, the Kofi Box… it’s the scarlet letter of the WWE. A quick rundown of those currently in the Box:

Barrett (heard he’s getting repackaged though)
The Miz

Kofi burst on the scene by taking the (now cursed) IC Title away from Chris Jericho in 2008. He’s went on to win the Title 3 more times since but how many times has he sniffed major Title since then? A total of 21 Superstars have been WWE or World Champ since his first IC Title but not good ol’ Kofi. No Kofi, you just go out there, get the crowd hyped, do some phenomenal spots, and then you might or might not win. And if you need a break Kofi, go right ahead, or maybe, just maybe, we’ll put you in a tag team and you can be a Tag Team Champion again (3 total), how’s that sound? Then you won’t even have to work full matches!

Kofi is one of the most popular Superstars on Raw, loved by kids and adults alike. So how has no one seen it fit to give this man some form of Title run? While he doesn’t fit in the current picture for the WWE Championship, why not have him go after ADR’s Belt after he retains at Battleground (which he will because RVD and WWE haven’t come to terms on a new contract)? You could even have Kofi win at Hell In A Cell and have Sandow immediately cash in on the beloved hero of the WWE Universe. Then you can have Kofi and Sandow feud for the Belt through December’s TLC PPV and by golly, you actually have something interesting going on in the pre-WrestleMania run up months!

But hell, maybe Kofi likes where he’s at in the company. Maybe he doesn’t mind being the Ron Harper (or better yet, Steve Kerr) to Punk and Our Boy Cena’s Jordan and Pippen. Every good team needs role players.

But even Ron Harper had 22.9 PPG one year. IN CLEVELAND. Give Kofi his due Creative.

Now, while I’ve never been that guy to complain about how African Americans are portrayed on TV, R-Truth struck a nerve with me for the longest time. Here’s a guy, with braids, with a “bulletproof” vest, while rapping terribly about “What’s Up”. Who routinely came out and lost to no one’s surprise.

But then Creative did something they haven’t even done with Kofi: They gave him a shot. He turned heel in 2011 and got two WWE Title shots in consecutive PPVs but then the Summer of Punk happened and killed any momentum he was building. But then, Creative put him in a rebel tag team with The Miz, who was coming down from a successful WWE Championship run himself. Awesome Truth beat Triple H and Punk one month and then headlined Survivor Series with Cena and THE ROCK…

…But then Truth got suspended for a wellness violation.

Since then, he’s went back to face and won the Tag Team Titles with Kofi, but he seems to be the guy Creative calls on when they need someone to help legitimize a heel as he did with Antonio Cesaro and with the Wyatt Family briefly. And while he gets an (cursed) IC Title shot this Sunday, don’t look for him to win. Truth is solid, not as great as Kofi, but always seems to stall in the starting gates.

I don’t have to rehash my feelings about The Showoff again.

Wade Barrett. I love this guy. Feuds with Our Boy Cena, Punk, and a really great one with Randy in late 2011/early 2012. Great heel. Good in-ring work.

Three time (cursed) Intercontinental Championship holder.

Barrett’s issues mostly are due to bad luck. From an almost 6 month feud with Our Boy John Cena to getting pushed out of The Nexus into The Corre. From The Corre/Nexus feud to being overshadowed by the Summer Of Punk. From the Orton feud to a partially dislocated elbow. From a confusing (cursed) IC Title run to off of television (where he gave up the (cursed) IC Title to newcomer Curtis Axel).

Barrett is supposed to return soon and I’d love to see him enter into the World Heavyweight Championship picture. But he’ll continue to be cannon fodder for whoever Creative decides. If Kofi ever wins a major Title, I’m immediately renaming this the Barrett Box.

I say RVD only because of his current contract situation. And I don’t think Creative would be bold enough to put the World Title on a guy who could possibly be leaving, especially when TNA is working a similar angle with AJ Styles right now. Would they?

Christian has to be in his last run and probably won’t hold another major Title. He’ll just be called upon when they need a pop from the crowd, like when Edge showed up a few weeks ago. As former major Title holders, him, RVD, and the next guy really don’t count…

…But what’s being done with The Miz is terrible. From a highly enjoyable heel run with the WWE Title to Awesome Truth to face to the Figure Four to host of SummerSlam, The Miz has been progressing backwards. Rapidly.

In fact, Miz shouldn’t even be in the Box. I now deem what’s being done with him: RoadMiz. Definition: When a Superstar (or Diva) goes from a main eventer to sparingly used for no apparent reason in a short amount of time. Example: Miz headlined WrestleMania XXVII in 2011, a little over 2 years ago.

Until the day Kofi wins a major Title, there is no escaping the Kofi Box, just the hope that you’re still making money while you’re in it.

Then it’ll just be the Barrett Box, but I digress.

Battleground Picks

  • Ziggler v. Sandow – Sandow will win in some ridiculous way, his momentum has been slowed since they took Cody away from him. And Ziggler is being put through the paces of losing lately.
  • Axel v. Truth ((cursed) IC Title match) – You don’t have to read this article to know that Axel retains. Unless he loses so that Heyman will drop him and manage Ryback exclusively.
  • Goldust & Rhodes v. The Shield (Reigns & Rollins) – Cody and Goldust should win here, especially since this is a heel themed PPV.
  • AJ Lee v. Brie Bella (Divas Title match) – I think they’re setting up a Total Diva to win the Divas Title at some point and Brie would be next on my list next to Natalya, but AJ should retain.
  • Punk v. Ryback – Ryback. Punk’s dismal PPV losing streak continues.
  • ADR v. RVD (World Title match) (Hardcore Rules) – Unless RVD’s contract is fixed by Sunday, ADR retains.
  • Orton v. Bryan (WWE Title match) – Either way, they can set up a rubber match between these two at Hell In A Cell. But the face chases the heel and it’s not time for the heel to be caught. Orton in some despicable heel manner.

Night Of Champions: 2-4-1
Since SummerSlam 2013: 5-7-1

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