It hasn’t been a month and I’m broken. With all the terrible news that comes out of DC every single day plus the confirmation of DeVos, I’m struggling. I’ve lived with an overwhelming sense of dread since the Inauguration but the past few days have been too much. The tweets, Pence’s deciding vote, Senator Warren being silenced… I just want to disappear into a dark hole for awhile.
It’s also February so I always deal with the threat of seasonal depression. I haven’t had a bad case in several years but I feel like all the warning signs of it coming are here. My mood absolutely stinks and I can’t shake it; even things that normally brighten me up aren’t helping (other than Aaliyah); and my patience is at zero.
I struggle sometimes to understand those who deal with depression daily. If it’s anything like I feel right now, I completely understand why constant depression is so crippling. The second season of You’re The Worst dealt with this, where a depressed Gretchen told her boyfriend Jimmy that she suffered from depression and to try to understand; that she didn’t need fixing. Of course he tried and it further upset her. I feel the exact same way. You can’t fix depression; you can only hope to cope with it.
On top of that, the guy who brought me into my new job just left for a new position in Chicago. I wish him all the best but having someone who has been such an integral part of your work life leave for a state that’s hundreds of miles away is a huge loss. So that adds fuel to my sad fire. I told a friend that I felt like Sad Drake (think Take Care) and even sung a few bars of “Marvin’s Room” at work. I’m definitely not heartbroken… well, scratch that. I am heartbroken at what our world has quickly become since January 20th.
The final cherry: I’ve been more political on Facebook and Twitter, sharing important updates about what’s going on in Washington. I’ve been getting some positive feedback (mostly because both timelines favor Democrats. Thanks extreme vetting!) and I felt like I was serving some sort of role by spreading actual news around instead of my normal content.
I turn on NORE and DJ EFN’s Drink Champs podcast. One of the first things their guest Talib Kweli says is if you’re not actually going out and trying to make a difference, you’re still doing nothing. I’m paraphrasing but the words hit me hard.
I’m not doing anything. The world’s gone crazy, or for lack of a better term, gone to shit. And I can’t really say much more than that.